My Sickness Divine
by Bakura'sMorbidKitten
Summary: Ryou, a lonely teenage boy slowly wastes away, believing he is alone in his world of sorrow...untill the darkness begins to fill him in a way he never imagined. New and improved. Warnings inside. BxR, YxY, MxM.
1. The Warning

Wow, it's been ages since I wrote a story. I decided to give it another shot though, as the school year is almost out, and I will have enormous ammounts of time on my hands. To let you know, reviews are very important to me, and I am not likely to continue a story if I see there is no interest in it. I'm a sporadical (right spelling?) writer at best, and need reviews as a motivator. (smile) So even a brief note of "oh, yes it's pretty good" would make my day! (I do know however that new stories don't get many reviews so I'm not going to stop writing just 'cause my first chapter didn't get swamped with them!)

I wrote the origional version of this fanfiction, "Sickness", almost two years ago, and happened across it while searching for angsty Ryou fics. I hardly recognize it anymore, and am horrified at the mistakes, but am still inspired by the plot...to any of you that read the story before and didn't like it, it is redone and edited, with more fitting warnings. And to those who did like it, it's the same plot! So read it again, it's different. puppy dog eyes of doom Please? .

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CONTENT WARNING**

I know alot of us skip the author notes because it's just rambling, and for those of you that do, please at least skim mine because there are important warnings in them. I don't want to make anyone angry with my story content; unlike most fics, the bad stuff here starts right off the bat and all the way through the text, so there won't be any mid-paragraph warnings about content. If you don't like, please don't read, and for those of us who skip the lemony or violent parts you can't do that easily in this one so I'd encourage not trying.

Well, now to the important part. It is pretty darn sad, there is alot of cutting, anorexia, and self mutilation in general. Also, alot of homosexuality. If you don't like that kind of thing, please move on...there are plenty of incredible authors out there who don't write about that.

I tried to make this little area in my blabbering very obvious (hence the bolding...tehehe), so that all of you can run from the terribleness, or feast on it with delight! However, this is more than adequate warning, so flamers will have to suffer the embarassment of their own stupidity if they do decide to comment. It's you're own damn fault if you read this, I don't want to hear about it, you were warned.

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Ok. so there isn't much more to say before the story... I want to ask a favor of you all. I know this author note is a bit long but in future chapters I'll keep it much shorter, don't worry. If you read all this pre-story nonsese though, please include the word "pie" in your review, so I know how many people really do read it. I just like to know! .

Pairings are typical, and yaoi: little Yugi and big Yugi, little Bakura and big Bakura, little Malik and big Malik, etc...

Some writers choose to call the characters by different names, and it's easy to get confused, so for those of you who don't know the common usages I gave a guide below, and to those that do I just use the normal names for eveyone and you can skip to the story:

little Yugi: Yugi

big Yugi: Atemu (most call him Yami or Pharaoh, fyi.)

little Bakura: Ryou

big Bakura: Bakura or Akifa (akifa is usually a different character but I made them the same here. Akifa is normally big Bakura's egyptian past self)

little Marik: Malik

big Marik: Marik or Mariku (mariku being more endearing)

Thank you all for bearing with me this long!

Enjoy, Oh, and I...uh...don't own yugioh or any other recognzed previously owned things.

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(Neutral POV, dream in _italics_)

_This sickness is contagious, ripping through the veins of the innocents like daggers through flesh. Somehow you can't cut deep enough, it just keeps coming back over and over, poisoning your once pure heart.The only thing you can to to stop the pain is to keep trying...keep trying to cut it out..._

Yugi tossed and whimpered softly, struggling within his fitful nighmare. A cold sweat had worked it's way upon the surface of his soft, young skin, causing him to shiver. The boy's lover mumbled beside him, sensing the anxiety of the other even in his sleep. As Yugi's moans grew in intensity, Atemu's lids fluttered open, revealing hazy, sleep drunk orbs. He sobered quickly, shifting to look down at the innocent in his arms.

He was accostomed to this. The poor thing was very vulnerable to bad dreams, which often ended it sobbing breakdowns and insomnia.

"Yugi...Yugi, babe, wake up..." he whispered with an early-morning edge to his voice.

_Ryou dug the blade in deep, hissing as the skin split in the path of the keen tip. Blood flowed freely down his pale, gaunt limb, spattering the faded gray sheets below. He watched the red flowing tendrils with a kind of morbid facination, almost immune to the pain. Steeling himself, Ryou brought the blade back into the wound. He had only just begun to apply pressure when a vessel tore open with an angry spurt, the fine spray of life fluid soiling the front of his nightgown... _

"Yugi, ssshhh, get up, come on..." he coughed, clearing his throught.

_White pain seared through the abused body as another vein popped, and this time Ryou's face was met with the gush of hot fluid. Frozen in horror and shock he could only watch as his life poured from his weak body, his muscles twitching in a desperate effort to move. It was futile. The pool of blood slickened the sheets, it's sick, sweet steanch turning out Ryou's stomache. Vomit flooded his lungs; the stomache acids quickly decaying the soft lung tissue. The boy's last attempts to suck in air only plunged more of the mucous laced acid into the now useless pockets of flesh... _

"Yugi!"

_Once vibrant, chocolate eyes lay glazed in a milky death film..._

Yugi shot up in bed, sweat droplets clinging to hs forehead. /_Ryou! _/ His mind screamed in panic as he threw the comforter off, knowing he would be too late. It was always too late...barely noticing his lover's awakeness, he leapt from the bed, heart throbbing into what seemed to be his throught. He stumbled as he navigated the darkness of the quaint bedroom, the door was impossibly far away, objects finging themselves into his path to block him...

"Little love, what are you doing? Calm down, it's ok, Yugi come back-"

...and finally he was out onto the endless miles of carpet, wood and plaster that made up his hallway. It seemed to take centuries to reach the spare bedroom where his 'guest' was staying. Heart beating in a cacophony of thuds and dull throbs, he felt stuck in slow motion as the knob turned, heard the reluctant creak of hinges, metal on metal...Yugi's eyes groped the room desperately for any signs of life and fell almost immediately to the breathing form lying amidst tangled bedding. There was a gap in time as Yugi's mind did a tailspin, subconciously checking to be sure what he was seeing was reality. It caught up to him in a rush, and the teen burst into tears.

" R-ryou?" He moved to sit on the bed. Reaching out, he nudged the pale shoulder softly. A very life-like moan greeted his ears and Ryou shifted in his mass of sheets; warm brown eyes opening to gaze foggily at his friend.

"Yugi, are...you alright? What's wrong?" The soft british accent was hardly audible over the other boy's ragged breaths.

"Oh, Ra... Thank gods you're alright! I had th-this awful dream again and...and you d-died and I couldn't save y-you I tried so hard...but I couldn't touch you...Oh Ryou-"

Ryou cut him off, knowing that if he let his friend continue he would eventually become hysterical.

"I'm fine, Yugi! Look, see?" he sat up, wraping his arms in a comforting embrace around his smaller companion. "Eveything is alright; listen to yourself! It was just a dream! An awful dream. Calm down, I'm ok now, I'm with you."

Yugi had found Ryou two months ago, sprawled out half dead in the shower, slits carved into his wrists. It hadn't been an intentional attempt at suicide, he just...cut a little to deeply. The boy's father was not home eight months out of the year, and Ryou was not exactly the socialite at school, so he received very little of the much needed affection he craved for...

"I'm really, really ok, Yugi."

"Extremely ok?"

"Yes. _Extremely_ ok." Ryou smiled.

"Is everything ok in here?" The two teens turned to face the source of the deep, exotic tone.

"Extremely!" They said in unison, breaking the strange atmosphere with sighs of relief and half-giggles. Atemu smiled as well, a slight glint of confusion lighting his features. He was used to their odd behavior at times, however, and didn't ask.

"Oh, yes Atemu. Yugi just had a nightmare, that's all." Ryou tilted his face down to inspect the diminishing tears in the eyes of his closest friend. He smiled brightly as Yugi pulled away, padding softly across to the door to snuggle against his lover's chest. Ryou was truly happy for them, it was a match made in heaven. He only wished that someday he could find someone like that, too. Of course he never would. No one would want a sickly, broken thing like him...would they? He forced the negative thoughts from his mind and continued the quaint smile he wore for the pair, suddenly feeling guilt over his childish jealousy.

" Com'ere, you, back to bed," Atemu said with a grin, playfully shoving Yugi out into the hall again.

" 'Night Ryou-kins," Yugi called.

" 'Night, Love," Ryou called back, quietly wishing Yugi would stay awhile longer.Atemu turned back to Ryou, his golden skinned hand resting on the doorknob, easing it shut amid the groanings protests of the hinges. There was a light pause as the egyptian waited for Yugi to dissapear into their shared bedroom, and then he spoke.

"Are you sure, Ryou?" The boy swallowed nervously under the inquisitive gaze of the older teen, nodding 'yes' in half-truth.

" I wouldn't lie to Yugi. You know that..."

"Yes." An awkward silence followed.

The door closed and darkness settled upon the little briton's frame, devouring him. He swallowed again, clutching the blankets in cold clammy hands. "Goodnight," he whispered to no one at all, rubbing at the hidden wound on his wrist.

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Yay! One down, unknown to go...

That's the first chap, a little short, I wanted to see how you like it before I get going. You know?

Please review!


	2. Atemu's Brilliant Plan

Alright, here we go! Next chapter up. I'm proud of myself, normally I can't update this often, but I've been making an effort. I typed this for you all today! Isn't that great?

Uh, no.

Ok...anyway, hehehe, there weren't ANY reviews last chap, and I was so sad, I was really looking foreward to some at least! Oh well...Anything is accepted, just as long as it isn't a content flame.

No real warnings, just self mutilation and sex, all very mild for right now.

Enjoy! And- as always- I don't own Yugioh, any characters associated with Yugioh, or any other previously owned recognized things.

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(Neutral POV) 

It took some time for things to calm down after Yugi's erratic behavior, caused by the disturbing dream. He continually wanted to check up on Ryou, and only after much persuasion did he concent to letting Ryou rest and climbing into bed.

This was becoming a more and more regular occurence, and it was agrivating beyond belief.

Atemu watched Yugi lay stiffly by his side, the younger boy gracing only the ceiling with unbatting eyes. Giving a mildly irritated sigh, Atemu flopped back down, resigning himself to a Yugi-less (sex-less) night. He was used to this, times when his little lover would gaze away into his own thoughts. He didn't feel truly threatened, it was no mystery concerning the topic of Yugi's thralls. Atemu knew Ryou was the source of it all...Yugi had begun to center his life around keeping Ryou alive, keeping him happy and entertained ever since the britton came to stay...a life centered around Ryou, and not him.

Yugi continued to daydream, his lover's growl of frustration gone unnoticed. Moments passed...

When Yugi turned to him and rested a gentle hand on the elder's chest, Atemu lost sight of the complaint and immediately rose to attention. He smirked inwardly, reaching over to stroke a bang from the innocent, wide eyes. /_Finally_/ he thought.

"Atemu?"

"Mmh-hm?"

"I was wondering, I mean, I know it's silly, but..." Yugi seemed to look away, giving a small, uncertain smile. /_Does he want to try something new/ _Atemu thought hopefully, mulling over the possibilities "new" presented in his mind. There was a pause, leaving Atemu with his not-quite-honorable thoughts, and then...

"Do you think Ryou's okay?" Yugi blurted. Atemu groaned, knowing he should have anticipated this.

"Yes, Yugi, I really do think Ryou is fine. You need to stop worrying about it! What more can you do for him? You've given him a warm home, friendship, support. You've offered councelling and he refused, so obviously _he _thinks he's okay. He's eating right, he's focusing on doing well in school, thinking about getting a summer job...There isn't any more you can do for him, Yugi. Stop it. You're stressing yourself out, and there isn't any reason to anymore. You've done what you set out to do. He's healing. Let him be." There was a slightly surprised pause after his words.

/_Have I been worrying too much? Ryou is doing better, maybe I should let it go, and see what happens. He looks so much healthier, but I can't help but think I'm missing something.../ _

Yugi hadn't expected Atemu to reply with such emotion, and was taken aback. He sounded exasperated, almost angry. Concern knit the little one's eyebrows. He hadn't meant to upset him...

Atemu noticed the near hurt look in Yugi's eyes.

"And anyway, love," he began in a softer tone, "you worrying doesn't help him or you, does it? What service do you do for him by fretting constantly over whether or not he can take care of himself. He's almost a man, Yugi, he needs to be indipendent."

"I...I just want to do the best I can to help. I feel like there's something else, you know? something I 'm not doing..."

"I know you care, Yugi. You're doing your best, you did your best, but now it's time to stop coddling him."

"I don't coddle him, Atemu. I take care of him, he's sick, he needs help, and I'm the only one who will help him! You certainly won't. His father doesn't love him, Ryou could _die _for all that man cares." Yugi replied heatedly, tears pricking the corners of the violet eyes. The atmosphere between them was growing sharp, Yugi's emotions getting in the way of the discussion.

"_Stop it_, Yugi! Look, you're having a _pity party _for the child. He is better off without that man, don't you see? It's _better_ this way! He can grow this way, _learn to help someone else like him_. You're doing him an injustice by protecting him like this. Leave it alone for once!"

"Atemu, why does it bother you so much? Why are you angry? I only mean to help him...I-I thought it was for the best. Calm down!" Yugi was utterly baffled by the other's demeanor, it didn't make sense, Ryou was a friend to them both. Why was he so angry?

Tension ground it's way into Atemu's words. "Why am I angry? Because, Yugi...because..." Realising his answer was rediculous, he faltered, and bagan to regret being short with Yugi..."becasue I'm jealous...You spend so much time with your head wrapped around 'Ryou this, and Ryou that', I feel...I just wish you'd stop, you know? I miss you..."

Instead of what Atemu expected (which he wasn't even sure what _that_ really was), a thick silence followed.

When Atemu looked over, he saw tears swollen in Yugi's eyes."Oh Atemu! Oh I'm so so so sorry, I didn't know, I'm so sorry!" He launched himself cutely into Atemu's arms, continuing to apologize and mew amid Atemu's joined appologies and whispers of love. He felt a tear meander down his chest, coming to rest on a smooth nipple. The cure to Yugi's tears suddenly seemed painfully obvious, and he gently pulled Yugi's head from his shoulder, looking deep into the eyes of his lover.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, voice husky and rich. Yugi shivered with pleasure as a stray hand snaked down his back, swirling a seductive pattern over the sensitive skin.

"Mmmmm..." The younger boy purred, closing his eyes.

"You like that?" Atemu's voice dripped with lust, and his tongue flicked out to touch the soft curve of Yugi's ear. Yugi whined, squirming in Atemu's lap. The latter smirked and continued to press the little one's buttons, hitting all the weak spots he knew from experience. He had the boy churning into him and his breath came shallow, a bulge forming eagerly beneath the thin, unprotective fabric of his pajamas. Yugi gave a sweet, orgasmic mewl as Atemu's hand traveled down to the near exposed erection, freeing Yugi's member from the tightened folds of fabric. It was given the greatest of attention, pumped and stroked by lightly lubricated hands, and quickly smothered by Atemu's hot, waiting mouth. The younger teen began to sob and groan with pleasure, thrusting and crying out...

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Ryou, much like Yugi moments ago, lay sleepless and distracted. Something dark and suffocating pulled beneath the surface of his apparent calm, threatening to overturn this delecately balanced ship... It was like trying to trap water in a closed fist, it seeped through, pushing, forcing it's way out, making ease with the cracks...fighting to get free. 

Swallowing thickly, Ryou sat up and attempted to distract himself from the breakdown looming ahead. Flipping on the bedside lamp, he reached down and quickly snatched a journal from underneath the bed skirts. He didn't like the thought of things hiding beneath the bed... Although, Ryou's fears were slightly more justified. It was the possibility of spiders or other unknown crawlies instead of the traditional monster that frightened him.

Drawing the small book up to his chest for a moment, he paused, thinking hard for inspiration. Ryou kept his train of thought firmly on track, knowing from previous hazards not to let his mind wander when he felt this way. /_What to write, what to write.../ _

_CCCCRRRRRRASHHHHHHH!_

Squeaking and jolting upright, Ryou's heart thudded against his ribs. The thunder snapped him cleanly from his reveriee, as well as providing a new streak of enthusiasm. Ideas raced through his half-hearted mind, picking up his spirits...moments more passed as the boy composed the piece in his head, paper notebook forgotten. Rain pattered gently against the glass door across the room. A balcony attached to it, leading down to a beautiful garden Ryou had never set foot in, even during all his months here. He was a bit of a hermit...

Mind made up, Ryou set to place his new flourish of poetry down on paper. Opening it up and flipping through quickly to a clean page, the teen began scrawling out stanzas in neat, tidy handwriting. Words of beauty and simple pleasure flowed easily, filling the page...

Sated and relishing the feel of production, Ryou flipped to his side and gently touched the button on the lamp. Darkness surrounded him and folded over, comfortably snug.

Closing his eyes, the boy set to sleep, letting his mind drift with newfound peace. The moments ticked by, and the hopeful smile on his face twitched. Melted. Smoothed away, clean and sparklingly gone without a trace of residue.

_/You aren't happy, silly fool. Stupid boy...stupid, stupid little bitch...you think you're happy? hmm? Really, now, I beg to differ./_

"N-no, stop it," Ryou whined, full pink lip quivering. He clutched his head, trying to stop himself.

_/If you are so fucking happy, then tell me why, Ryou, there is a gash-/_

"No!"

_/-on your arm? Hmm? Tell me why youre so ugly, so fat, so stupid, so fake, so/_

"I'm not weak, I'm strong..." Ryou's voice was thick with tears. "I'm stronger than you..."

_/so STUPID, FAKE LITTLE SLUT/_

Ryou cried, sobbed into his pillow. It was so true...

_/Yes, thats right...and we know how to fix that problem, Yes/_

Ryou sat up, failing to turn on the light. He fumbled with the drawer handle, sniffling with morbid determination as he drew out the razor blade. He realised quickly that his usual methods were not effective, as Yugiwould notice the wounds on his wrists. Being creative, he chose a new destination for the mutilation.

Setting the blade down, he lifted his shirt, preparing.

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Atemu caressed his tenshi's sweaty brow, beads of it cooling their sex spent bodies. He was beautiful, so very beautiful... But he couldn't spend time wahtching the little angel sleep, he had buisness to attend to. Carefuly, so as not to disturb his kitten, Atemu maneuvered his way out from underneath the clinging hold of the sheets, swinging his legs over the side and rising. 

Streaching luxuriously, he arched his back and inhaled the hot, musky air. Behind him on the bed, Yugi whimpered and rolled over, little hand clutching where Atemu's chest should be. A soft, murmured word escaped his rosy lips and peace settled in once more. With a fond smile, Atemu walked across the room and out into the lifeless hall, closing the door quietly behind. Naked, he crossed into the living room and snatched the phone on the way to the couch.

Thinking for a moment, he began dialing a well memorized number. It rang. and rang. and rang and rang...at least four more times before the monotone _brrinnng _was cut short...At first the only noise was silence, fumbling of some unknown objects, untill...

"What the fuck, Atemu..." a sleep rough voice answered. Cultured and sexy, it could belong distinctly to only one person Atemu knew.

Said teen chuckled, and replied "Well, Bakura, I have a favor to ask...You remember Ryou, right?"

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Whew! So there is the second chapter of My Sickness Divine... I know it isn't very good, about a 5 out of 10 if you ask me. I'm working on it, though! Sorry about spelling, I don't have a spell check and am too lazy to get one...(shifty eyes)

A quick reminder, there are no Yami and Hikari connections here, eveyone is human, eveyone is a complete person with thier own body...

Please, please review! I really need it for motivation, and if you make a good suggestion it might help improve my writing abilities!


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